i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
