Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
