Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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