Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
