I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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