party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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