literally had 100 drinks last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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