Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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