when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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