i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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