I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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