Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
