i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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