My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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