we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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