I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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