What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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