dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
