Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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