I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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