bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
