Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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