areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
