I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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