Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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