upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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