Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
