He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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