If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
