Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
