Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
