I will die if light touches me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
