We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
