He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
