the condom got lost in my hair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
