I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
