I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
