I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
