guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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