i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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