my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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