I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
