Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
