She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
