he was CRYING into my vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
