I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
