i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
