I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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