Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
