Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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