he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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