I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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