it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Randomize
