sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
