I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
