it's too hot outside to masturbate.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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