I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
