Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
