so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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