Got a toothbrush?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
please don't ironically join a cult
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