Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
