So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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