All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
