It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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