turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk is a universal language darling
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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