well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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