And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
