He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
