My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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