Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
