DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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