i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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