i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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