He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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