the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
