dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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