Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
