Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
