I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your penis caused this!
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