Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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