Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my being single is dangerous.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
