"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
